Death is an event that comes to all of us. Sometimes it's the natural and expected occurrence - in the case of a parent or grandparent reaching an age at which the body wears out, it's fragile; inevitably the machine will stop. Sometimes it's unexpected - heart attacks, strokes, accidents. At other times, it's completely unfair; a child's death.

All of these circumstances are difficult to handle, even the natural, expected death. You have known life with this person's presence and to be without it is the unknown - a new experience. It's something we never had to deal with before - existence without a person we've known all our lives. There's a void.

The long, terminal illness death. In this case there are mixed emotions: one of relief, for the deceased, because his suffering and pain is finally over. And many times one of relief for ourselves - a tremendous burden has been lifted - both physical and emotional burden. This is a natural human reaction in this scenario, and not one to feel guilty about.

The unexpected death is normally a very difficult one to cope with; one day the person is well, healthy, active - and suddenly life is gone. We've had no time to prepare for this loss. Sometimes it seems unbelievable, like a bad dream; and hopefully we'll wake ... but it's not, and we won't.

The child's death; a loss that cuts deeper than any other. The loss of one who is innocent, who hasn't even had the chance to experience the beauty, responsibility and the fun in life. These deaths are reacted to differently than others, because they seem so very unjustifiable. Some become very angry, others withdraw and live in the memories of the child, others try vainly to rationalize how this could have happened.

All of the circumstances of death I've touched on have one common need . . . the need to accept the death, accept and pick up the pieces and continue our lives. Acceptance: realize that death has occurred and accept it. Usually it's not as easily done as said, yet acceptance is a must in dealing with a loss.

I believe an important part of acceptance is the viewing of the body. Granted, sometimes it's a shock, but usually that shock is necessary in accepting the reality of death. Death is real and must be dealt with, and in order to deal with it, we must face the reality of it.

Many times the viewing of a family member is necessary to remove the memory of one in the hospital bed; pale, hair in disarray, surrounded by medical machinery, a memory unpleasant to recall. Or the mental picture of an accident victim that is drawn from remarks made on hear-say description from a third party recollection.

The viewing, handled properly, is of utmost importance to the grieving process. By a proper viewing, I mean having the deceased appear as natural and peaceful as possible.

We want our families to feel good about having a viewing - to see that the pain and suffering is gone. A peaceful, relaxed final memory of the decedent for the family members is what we strive for in our visitation periods.

Without a viewing, many thoughts can cross our minds, usually negative; because the facts are unknown. A peaceful memory is what we want you to retain. There are those families who say "I think it's a waste to have a viewing, so we'll just have a closed casket for Mom and remember her as we last saw her". This remark is bothersome to me - it seems selfish. Most times they have not consulted the grandchildren or nieces and nephews to see if they need time for a viewing. For many, the last memory may not have been good, and they would appreciate a chance to see their grandmother - finally peaceful. And I believe viewing helps that process.

Viewing of the body and acceptance of the death is needed by the entire family. It is not a decision that should be made by one person for the entire family . . . especially if a "no viewing" selection is being considered. Our imagination can work wonders, sometimes to the worse. Sight itself can be healing.